PTSD

 

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I’m always in a hurry. But I’m already where I am going. I have to remind myself while performing a task- relax, breathe, and be in the moment. My fractured brain with it’s permanent short fused wiring makes my body and mind leap ahead. No amount of meditation has changed that. 

But diligence and mindfulness helps to slow me down and soak it all in. I’d given up walking the long distances down the road a few years ago due to a loss in energy. But I’ve started again it feels so great! I can do this. It must be the iron supplement the bariatric surgeon encouraged me to take. Those who have had gastric bypass surgery don’t absorb nutrients well. Too bad no one ever told me. 

I look out over the meadow as my sneakers make a crunch in the gravel. Crisp green grass fills the slope decorated with yellow splashes of dandelions. Trees stark and grey with tips frosted in an array of differently colored buds edge the background. At the top of this canvas lies a brilliant blue sky dappled with cotton puff clouds. With no camera in my pocket I will have to store this magnificence in memory. 

Tulips

 

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17 thoughts on “PTSD

    1. Yes, I believe that is what the surgeon checked along with many other things never checked before. B12 also in good shape. But I didn’t know that was low until a few years ago when my GYN, of all people, told me I might need to supplement that. Now I make to have that level checked regularly. And ferritin will be checked yearly too.
      Thank you!

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  1. I am so happy that you are able to get outside to take your walks again! Something about breathing in the fresh air can be so therapeutic. I long for the day that I also will have the energy to take long walks again!

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  2. ”I’m always in a hurry. But I’m already where I am going. I have to remind myself while performing a task- relax, breathe, and be in the moment. My fractured brain with it’s permanent short fused wiring makes my body and mind leap ahead”
    I can completely relate to this as I am the same..
    Nature walks are very healing for me and help me be present so I try and go on as many as I can..My husband and I are going to get a dog which will help motivate me to do even more walks..

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    1. Oh, a dog will definitely get you out there!
      Yes, whether loading the dishwasher, or whatever, I’m feeling rushed already onto the next thing and I stop and wonder why. I don’t have to go or be anywhere! I try to stop the rush and be where I am. It can be quite exasperating.
      I am sorry you too know this. And my guess is that it’s quite common among those that have been traumatized; even if it was over fifty years ago which is such in my case.

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      1. Indeed, trauma from childhood is the hardest to shift..I am 34 and still trying to cope with it..I dont know any other way though so I guess I just have to keep going..as I am sure many others do too with their unique experiences.

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  3. Hooray! You had the energy! Your description is the perfect snapshot!

    (When my husband had anemia, they told him to take Vitamin C to absorb the iron supplements. You probably already know this.)

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  4. I am just getting back to my walking. Last fall I was walking miles in woods and meadows with my husband and dogs. Lately it’s just been short walks in the neighborhood (still recovering from surgery). Today I managed two 20 minute walks, one this morning, and one in the late afternoon. It was a beautiful day and the air smelled so good!

    It’s very healing, I think, to be outside. The meadow is better than the sidewalk in my neighborhood, but even a neighborhood walk is good.

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    1. Oh, that is a sad loss as hiking and nature can soothe. I am so sorry to hear that, but I also fully understand because anxiety makes me just want to be completely still until it passes…if and when it does.
      Anxiety has been the most problematic for me over the years. The most relief came after I began meditating. Even the very first time I knew something important was happening. It is surprising how hard it is to count to ten while counting breaths as at first I went to 11, 12 etc.
      This is the chapter where I learned how, and that was about 15 years ago.
      https://patriciajgrace.wordpress.com/?s=buddha

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  5. Mindfulness and rewiring your brain takes a LOT of work! It’s something I have to remind myself to do all the time. I don’t think it will ever just become second nature. Congrats on being able to accomplish that:)

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