My birthday will not pass by again without recognition. Last year I cried, felt forlorn, uncared for, and so very alone. Spring often hits me like that anyway… a fit of tears flows while coming up and out of the slowness of winter. But no card on the table, nothing. It’s not that sons and my husband don’t care. It is how it always has been.
I provided the festivities for each of them all through the years; cake, candles, presents, balloons, crepe paper swirls across the ceiling and depending on the year or age, paper hats along with those silly, fun blow out horns and of course, overnight slumber parties along with the ruckus that eight lively boys brings.
I have trained them that way, not wanting fuss over me, putting all my energies into them instead. Shane, the eldest, always celebrates with a beautiful dinner, card and expensive gift, just not the day of. It is usually planned on another day over a weekend.
My other son, Cory, living in Boston, was never much of a gift giver, and calls on my birthday. I understand that love isn’t shown by gifts. The frosting of love is in other things, and I know I am deeply loved. His new wife though, has taught him otherwise. On birthdays you show your love. He had to be retrained by her, and now does concert tickets, jewels, or something else unique on her special day. Sigh, dear ‘ole Mom gets a call…but I am glad at least for that.
But not again will April 6th pass without noting that there are reasons I was born. I let Samuel know (finally) how I felt.
I said, “It’s up to you. You are the only one.”
He wouldn’t dare let my birthday come and go again without noting it. Sometimes one does have to advocate for themselves, for their own needs.
I have purchased a scroll saw. I will be able to saw out my own butterflies, instead of hearing Samuel grumble about having to do them. I cannot manage the jigsaw with weak wrists from too much crocheting. There it sits with a bow on the box. I allowed myself to buy an adorable pair of sandals that a woman over 60 should probably not wear, and put a bow on that too. I will have cake, a candle and a wish, every year from now on.