WINTER

014My posts don’t feel right. I don’t feel exactly ‘right.’ Winter came with a bang knocking me down. I got into cookies so bad I felt sick. Then did it again till I drenched them in the sink. I thought the winter hadn’t hit so hard and was doing so well, but Stevie’s call brought me way down, along with a dental group where I seem to have upset the secretary. Little did I know that she runs the place. I feel out of place there now, as if I am not cared for. Not a good feeling at a dental place.

Yesterday I got back on the horse, zipped up my warm coat to the tippy top of the zipper which covered my neck up to my mouth and did laps. I ate right. I worked at keeping my thoughts healthy, not an easy feat in the winter. My repetitive thoughts, negative thoughts, overwhelm. So work at it. Got into the studio finishing the butterfly that just about made it itself, then work stopped. Other things took over and I didn’t get back in there and there it sat.

I grouted, then later did finishing touches, the antennae, painted interior, and for this one, red feathers, which is fun since Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.

Samuel gets on my nerves and I just want and need space from him. Luckily he left for a while coming back with a bouquet which brought him back into my good graces.

I wonder at his being here. I seem to do less as far as going out to see matinees or shopping for stuff to throw in next year’s Christmas closet. This coming week no Cindy as it’s February break so time to do both of those, get away from him and this house for a while, both that I’m usually so happy with.

The fresh air yesterday was cleansing even if it was an arctic blast. I’m back on track; meditate, exercise, and spend some fun time daily, or calm zoned time, which usually means the studio. Keep thoughts in the now, forgive, let go, come back to now.

Though I feel oddly detached, the grand-kids spent the night. The parents picked up Cindy later because she doesn’t always sleep through the night. But William stayed all night which means cuddle time with him this morning before he watches his favorite movie, Captain America on Netflix.

Last night Cindy drew a picture of NaNa which I include. The child is only three and I see talent already. I play scrabble on the computer while Samuel runs around with them and all the giggling makes me smile. I become engaged when it’s time to serve popcorn, brush teeth and read books. They bring me alive!

Winter. It has hit, and hit hard.

015

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14 thoughts on “WINTER

  1. Or maybe winter has come, as it always does in it’s unpredictable fashion. Breezing and blowing in making it difficult to navigate. But you look out and up to admire each unique flake of snow as if it was the first you’ve ever seen. It seems you have found your moments of grace and that picture is precious. Breathe in the grace and exhale gratitude as Spring is on it’s way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Winter has come. I’m sorry nothing feels right. That’s such a yuck feeling. I know you have a good system for self care; keep doing the meditate, exercise, fun time, remind yourself this is now. It will get easier again. Just like winter will give way to spring, you won’t feel this bad forever. Sending hugs. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

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