I hadn’t realized the extent of my abandonment issues. My head flew off the deep end when a sibling, Stevie, who I do consider a brother, responded via email with his formal full name. I didn’t listen to the feelings that whispered beneath my busy mind, a mind that took off to the deep end. I had finally been blunt about my past and his brothers, speaking my truth rather than protecting him, and believed, as I was taught, that abandonment was the price for the truth.
Instinct, spirit, soul, the center— whispered, ‘Not so.’
And it wasn’t so as I learned later. He has an automatic sign off on his email that used his full name.
I have worked on this tendency where the mind catapults to the negative, and with some success. Feeling barefoot on hot cinders, I reached out desperately for assurance and made mistakes in the process…but that’s OK. I am allowed mistakes, I am allowed to be human. I sleep at night because I did not let Stevie go. I will not abandon him or myself.