Sometimes when you think you have to do something, you have to do nothing… except feel.
I responded to Stevie’s cool email response that he signed off so impersonally and formally with his first and last name. I stood up contesting such treatment, erecting boundaries for the very first time. He’s the little brother I protected by never telling him the truth about his brothers. And when I did finally tell him by sending a link to my book, he said he never received it.
The confusion settled inside me— ice melted into tears. Indignation at such treatment spewed like a balloon releasing air, leaving pain in its place, along with a pervasive sadness and crushing loss.
It hurts that we know each so little.
My belief was that the three out of seven siblings who never attacked me sexually were three I could still relate to and feel safe with. That is not so. They are part of the conspiracy to keep me down, to keep me quiet, to kill with silence to insure their own good names and pretend what is, is not.