I sip on tea by the fire early, 5 am as usual, with puppy cat at my feet. Warm, content, cozy and for a stretch, relaxed. After reading posts the studio calls. A smaller sized butterfly has been jeweled to the hilt and needs tiles. The music is soft, but thoughts invade my peace. Why did the secretary say the doctor was in but the other doctor sends a note that she is covering while my doctor is out?
And it starts. Anxiety, uneasiness, not trusting, doubts. I should switch to this other doctor, the partner. Mine is cool and I don’t hit it off with her too well and probably never will, but I am out of options. I’m staying.
OK, calm the thoughts. People do lie, though they may calling it fibbing or fudging. And I have a powerful history that proves not to trust others. So I soften the internal tendency to flounce havoc on my wounded soul, and provide tenderness instead. It’s a sad thing I have had trust irrevocably shattered. Yet at the same time, the benefit is that I see and notice things others do not. A watchdog. And I am watching. And when I’ve had enough, I bark, loud and strong and I can growl too.
And maybe she did lie on her employer’s behalf. Maybe the doctor went home and was reached via text with my questions, and maybe today they do have the other doctor covering. It’s a lie all the same. If it did happen. I have to trust my gut. And I don’t trust her, not the doc or the secretary.
My thoughts can so easily take me out of a peaceful place. Especially when there is something going on. And when isn’t there ‘something’ going on? I need to sooth my soul. Remember that others must live with what they do. I need to concentrate on what I need to do, and not let thoughts interfere with my internal peace.