How to connect with ‘her’, the child I was. The dentist with the crooked endless stairway to hell, that my mother left me to walk alone, took photos of his kid patients. At age eight, after Daddy dropped to the floor dead, and Danny raped me (a memory swimming viciously inside, a deadly shark at the ready to devour), my skinny kid body blew up like an over-pumped swim tube. And the stark contrast still remains in the old photo book in his office. Skinny at 7, huge at 8, with the fakest smile pasted on.
I would like to connect with skinny kid, but the other? Is it possible even if I wanted to? She disappeared. I still hide.