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It is so much easier to cherish each moment, to enjoy our lovely home, and the festive decorations in it, and all I have, when sleep finally comes. Even one night with more than 3-4 hours does it. I feel like a new woman, alive, hopeful. I still wake, as I always do, but the ache is bearable, and I pull on the heating pad and fall back asleep. I wake twice more but don’t get up until 5am. That is progress. 

The starry balmy night allowed for the window to be open. I lie awake listening to a dog barking in the distance and other sounds in the early morning before light comes. I crave spring before the first snow has fallen in earnest. I am able to bear the ache without getting right up to apply heat and distract myself with TV. So my mind wanders to Mom, and my friend Sue, both gone, who I still want and miss. 

My PT guy is more gentle with me that I am. His patient is still under the impression that one must ‘use it or lose it.’ He added no new exercise this week because of sleep issues. Added physical stress causes inflammation. Vacuuming is out.

I am beginning to get the hang of being gentle with myself and my infirmities. And to be brave. Accept that time does run out. Don’t be afraid. Live each day as if it is your last. And I can muster this courage when I am not beat down by pain and tiredness. 

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(photos taken last winter in our backyard)

10 thoughts on “CHRISTMAS

  1. Absolutely love your photos always. They take me to another world as does your writing . Keep being gentle and patient with yourself and listening to your PT!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes sleep is so important for renewal of the body, mind and soul. It makes such a difference. Wishing you many sleep filled nights! I love the photos you took. Am so happy that you are learning to be more gentle on yourself and brave… you are up there with the bravest of spirits!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes. This — “And I can muster this courage when I am not beat down by pain and tiredness.” is so, so true. I’m so sleep deprived these days I can’t think straight and I notice shame and doubt get louder. Second guessing does too. Keep up with self-care. Sometimes, or lately for me, it’s hard to even know what that looks like or if I’m getting it right. But I’m trying. XO


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