It is so much easier to cherish each moment, to enjoy our lovely home, and the festive decorations in it, and all I have, when sleep finally comes. Even one night with more than 3-4 hours does it. I feel like a new woman, alive, hopeful. I still wake, as I always do, but the ache is bearable, and I pull on the heating pad and fall back asleep. I wake twice more but don’t get up until 5am. That is progress.
The starry balmy night allowed for the window to be open. I lie awake listening to a dog barking in the distance and other sounds in the early morning before light comes. I crave spring before the first snow has fallen in earnest. I am able to bear the ache without getting right up to apply heat and distract myself with TV. So my mind wanders to Mom, and my friend Sue, both gone, who I still want and miss.
My PT guy is more gentle with me that I am. His patient is still under the impression that one must ‘use it or lose it.’ He added no new exercise this week because of sleep issues. Added physical stress causes inflammation. Vacuuming is out.
I am beginning to get the hang of being gentle with myself and my infirmities. And to be brave. Accept that time does run out. Don’t be afraid. Live each day as if it is your last. And I can muster this courage when I am not beat down by pain and tiredness.
(photos taken last winter in our backyard)