JUST THE FACTS

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This is hopefully NOT a pity post, Just the facts… I left the hospital after the GI bleed stopped with no restrictions on diet. Odd due to the fact that somewhere within the GI tract a sore (though not an ulcer) had occurred after three weeks on Meloxicam for an impinged shoulder which caused a serious bleed. One so serious it caused me to drop to my knees too weak to stand, requiring an ambulance trip to the ER and two units of blood…the blood was held off due to my faintly voiced concerns about unnecessary transfusions.

Unfortunately the doctor who prescribed the daily highest dose of the NSAID Meloxicam was too busy to check my history when I visited her due to my frozen shoulder. Those that have had a gastric bypass should NEVER take NSAID’s. This is a fact no one has ever told me in the thirty years after having that awful butchering surgery.

This present sore in the delicate inner lining of my GI tract, most definitely in the new pathway where the surgeon had his fun rearranging my stomach and intestine, needs healing from the eroded tissue due to the Meloxicam, which will take months.

I do take accountability that I gave the surgeon permission via my signature on the necessary forms, but did so without being advised of the true ramifications of the butchering’s hazards and complications, or the support necessary before, during or afterwards. There was none. Surgeons like to operate, it makes money for them along with God-like prestige and it makes money for the hospital and probably some prestige there as well. That’s my opinion, take it or leave it. Trust is not my forte’, nor will it ever be, though I takes leaps of faith now and then.

Maybe the high potency med prescribed to heal the place where the bleed occurred, called PANTOPRAZOLE, (which I might add, gives me headaches, dizziness, and loud noises in my ears, and prohibits acid formation), takes care of the foods that contain acid.  Maybe giving up coffee, both caffeinated and de-caf, along with many more restrictions, has not been necessary. I hate tea except when our women friends gather together. Then it’s a quaint ritual I relish, not necessarily the taste of tea itself. 

For month now I’ve also given up another simple pleasure, bubble baths. They may cause UTI’s in older woman though my MD doesn’t believe it. I started having them repeatedly after never having one. Did I just say OLDER? My mind feels like 40, my body? About 90.

One thing led to another after UTI number 3. Wipe front to back I was told. So I stretched my arm more than it could comfortably go and that’s when it froze. So finally a trip to the orthopedic MD and the dreaded Meloxicam, only available if prescribed and a high potent NSAID.

Then I tripled up on high yield estrogen products in my breakfast cereal so I could add it naturally to my diet. After googling how to prevent UTI’s that was one of the recommendations. So the ‘do too much girl’ added 6 tablespoons of flax, sesame seeds and nuts to my All Bran cereal.

What was I thinking?

So I developed diverticulitis and two trips to the ER. What fun for the too much girl. That’s what I do, try to fix the problem now, yesterday, and all at once. Patience is a virtue but not one of mine.  All of this stemmed from the repeated UTI’s.

No one helped me figure it all out. Doctors are too busy. But more accurately, I learned early on that I am on my own. I need to work more at asking for what I need. Things grow to critical proportions, even life threatening ones, because I don’t ask for help. Or if I do, I do so so meekly no one hears me. 

I rebelled this morning after another sleepless night with an aching shoulder that left me sleeping on the couch with a heating pad and a whopping dose of Xanax that I normally reserve for dental appointments. I had coffee relishing every full bodied sip till the last drop, then some more. Time will tell whether my tendency to rebel hurts or helps. 

I am an intelligent person though since July and that third UTI I have not acted as one. I get so hyper, terrified really when my body does things that I don’t understand. I do things without reason, helpful intervention, or intelligence. No matter how old I get, my symptoms of terror lucking but nanoseconds away in the shadows exist no matter what I do or how hard I try to calm them. That just is. 

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17 thoughts on “JUST THE FACTS

  1. I to get terrified when my body does something I don’t understand. It is tough way to live. I am not sure it will ever go away. I too am a very intelligent person but lack of control over my body sends me into panic. I also struggle with the fact that my body seems like a 95 year old and I am 56. The effects of long term trauma and PTSD. However, I am learning to be gentle and compassionate with my body and it is making a huge difference. I look at my body as brilliant and whole despite the challenges it faces. I think it is doing wonderful considering what it has gone through. I am living within its abilities and it feels great.

    Go gentle with yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re not crazy about the UTIs. I haven’t taken a bath in decades, sticking to showers. I drink about six cups of water a day. I sleep on a foam molding mattress so I can sleep on my left without causing nerve damage. I also have a pile of pillows down my back to help me be a little less mobile. I use essential oils, herbal teas, a cloth bag filled with rice as a heating pad, and a tennis ball. I’m still not as gentle with myself as I need to be, but I’m improving. Keep taking care of you.

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  3. Dear Patricia Grace,

    Your journey to peace has been and is, a rocky one for sure.
    I wish to point out some of the positive things you said about yourself:

    ‘I do take accountability’

    ‘I take leaps of faith now and then’

    ‘My mind feels like 40’

    ‘googling how to prevent UTI’s’

    ‘try to fix the problem….’

    ‘I need to work more at asking for what I need’

    ‘I am an intelligent person’

    ‘It is time to care deeply, go deeper, and truly connect….’

    ‘As the sun warmed my shoulder through the southern window, I lovingly took my time making each package just right’

    ‘I am here now. I have a right to admire all the qualities that kept me here’

    ‘Healing is a journey not a finished product’

    What I see as I read between your lines is a loving person who wants to live. A person that takes care of herself as best she can. A talented artist, photographer, gardener, writer…ect.
    Truly I could go on and on about your lovely qualities as a human being. Patricia Grace, this world needs you to be ok. Your own world needs you to focus on the many positives that make up You. And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Cindy needs you to be there for her.
    In between all the darkness that pursues you, you are still here now, and you do have the right to admire all the qualities that keep you here.
    Bravo, Patricia Grace, Bravo for innately knowing your immense worth. It’s all there, right between the lines

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You had me laughing at some of your misfortune – because I have been there myself. I’ve gotten OLDER. quite taking Meloxicam myself, and was told to do what you were doing when you hurt your shoulder. These things in themselves are not funny, but when you get OLDER, and you’ve been there yourself, it’s kind of funny. 🙂

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  5. I wish I had something so perfect to say, just the right thing to help. I’m sort of at a loss of words though. The ramifications of trauma are huge and deep and people don’t ever realize just what an effect it has. I just want to give that traumatized little girl who is still reacting a big hug and tell her it is okay to feel like she feels and that she is very intelligent. I’m glad you are home from the hospital, and please, be gentle with yourself. Xx

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  6. Crikey, you poor thing. I can relate to the constant UTIs, although my case I think it’s the urethra (??) is too short, so I never fully empty my bladder. I am always on antibiotics – which gives me thrush – yay! And the frozen shoulder I have following my motorbike accident. I’m currently seeing an osteopath which helps, but really only diflonec and codeine can help ease the pain. Like you, I prefer to self manage. So I can imagine how terrifying the whole ordeal has been for you, the loss of control, the lack of information. I’m so sorry for you, but I do wish you a speedy recovery. Currently (tmi) I use a feminine wash product ‘down there’ which works on keeping ph levels normal, I’m also careful wit bubble baths and washing detergent. My skin can be sensitive anyway. I hope you can find some solutions xxx

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