How do you take a spinning top and slow it down enough to see each side? Somehow, during those years of raising children, because of them, I did. I stopped the top, turned it over, around, looked up both sides and down. But it kept spinning for a very long time. The ‘emergency’ brain does that, keeps spinning, no matter what. Always on edge, always awaiting the other shoe to drop, smack dab on my head. Make a loud sudden noise around me. You’ll see. I still jump and scream out as if death awaits.

Meditation has been the key. (Chapter 23: BUDDHA) I could not be around others without so much anxiety I couldn’t be still or calm inside. Anxiety buzzing all the time is no way to live, but it is how I lived for much of my life until I began meditating. The gifts given by devoting that half hour each day are tremendous, miraculous.

Happiness for me is being at peace, often elusive, yet there waiting for my return…


11 thoughts on “ANXIETY

  1. How long did it take you to be able to form a habit of meditating? I’m such a flop at it. I find that when I meditate, I keep falling asleep. And even after a very concerted effort of meditating for 20 minutes every morning for about 6 weeks, I never reached a place of benefit (at least that I was aware of). Did you finally reach a certain place or space in your mind that you wanted to go back to, or some cool experience?

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    1. Thank you for stopping by, and for sharing…
      I can still get anxious easily, in a heartbeat, depending on what is happening.
      Embracing it sounds like a good idea, and reminds me of my one and only panic attack, and the only time I was able to get up the gumption to call Raymond for help.
      When I told him what I was feeling, that I thought I was going to die and couldn’t breath, he said something so similar, like ‘let it in, or allow the feelings in, don’t try to escape them.’
      I thought he was crazy at the time. All I wanted to do was escape from it.
      Being with all feelings is how and when the feelings pass through. Embracing everything… good words.


  2. I have a tough time meditating. I get anxious in the quiet. Did that happen to you in the beginning? If so how did you manage it? I’ve been successful at times when I’ve really pushed through. Then other times not so much. I think it matters what’s going on in my life. But the harder things are the more I would benefit from meditation.

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  3. I read this post a few days ago, and didn’t comment then, but it was something I needed to read: that I can slow down and be in the moment..with mediation…or, in my case yoga. It reminded me that I need to get back to that. Thank you. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

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