Do you put all the ramifications of someone else’s actions squarely on your shoulders? How much are you really able to control how a human body reacts to post traumatic stress; especially trauma that goes underground, not addressed in a child because no one wants it acknowledged because of their own shame in the matter and how it makes them look.
A child is critically wounded and no one comes. No one helps. No intervention with the way a brain deals with the sudden impact of life and death situations. Without intervention the child lives a lifetime of struggles and challenges. She wouldn’t had someone intervened, talked to her, let her express her traumas, over and over again, until fully processed, until the brain no longer had to protect her with all the ways it uses, because she now knows it won’t happen again. She’s safe, and protected.
That doesn’t happen. She lives with the feeling of death around every corner, even when she is supposed to be safe in her own home. Her brain becomes hard-wired to emergency because emergency is all it knows.
You can find relief, peace, and calm. It will take time. Be gentle. It’s not your fault. Try not to blame yourself for not making everything work right. I know you will because I’m quick to be hard on myself too. You can be soothed, and learn to self-soothe. Life, jobs, kids, etc. requires so much and adds stress, so it’s hard. But it will come…
(sometimes a comment comes from within worth sharing. Thank you Maggie. I have seen this exquisite drawing on another site though I don’t remember the name but thank you…)