Chastising my self because I have trust issues and tend to take things seriously, is like slapping a baby for crying. A baby cries from instinct, and my needs are as real. Harsh treatment makes the cry louder and the need for love and gentleness stronger.
Of course trusting does not come easy, rarely, or at all. How could it? And the flip side is knowing what others are up too even when they try to hide it, and I’m dead-on the majority of the time.
And that life is serious? During childhood, it felt like life or death. Safety gone, life became a serious, risky business. I do chuckle, even gut laugh, though not enough. And when it comes, it comes from deep within, no reserves and real. That’s good enough for me.
So the work goes on. Be it shorter days, lack of sleep, or more from the same old voices, but today I caught myself beginning to berate myself for changes in me from others had done, and corrected my course.