Sometimes I leave a comment at another site that strikes so deep I want to shout it to the universe. Such is the following from Blanked.
Feelings are not facts. Unfortunately the ‘feeling’ of badness became part of my make-up around the ages of 8-11. It’s not fact. I’m old to have to be still be working on it, but I am, maybe for the first time with real affect; really questioning that belief, that I’m bad or not ‘normal’. Why am I ‘bad’ and everyone around me is OK, fine, ‘normal’?
It’s an assumption my child’s mind made. If what’s happening feels so bad, and it’s being done to me, I must be ‘bad.’ With no help to prove otherwise, made to feel I had to keep it secret to save the family’s good name, that feeling became reinforced, a part of my personality.
So being 62 and still working on the feeling, or belief of badness, makes perfect sense. It’s a feeling, not reality. Feelings come and go. This one became me. It is hard to eradicate completely because it rooted, grew and solidified. But I need to keep at it, keep chipping away at the false feeling that became a belief, stronger than marble, granite or stone. I’m making a diamond.