Yesterday was hard. That itchy feeling of loss scratched in my chest all day, like tiny claws scraping to get out. Spring comes with such beauty and joy, yet such loss. I don’t gather with any of my siblings but we do get together with Samuel’s two brothers and wives, one of whom I’ve gotten to know and love since she moved here from California a few years ago.
I miss Mom, though her death was 6 years ago, and I miss Samuel’s Mom. She loved holidays and every Easter had huge baskets, full of chocolates and goodies for my boys, and us. She hung plastic eggs from her tree outdoors. And she never, not once, forgot my birthday which is today.
After our gathering, Samuel and I felt like visiting those gone. We haven’t done it in over a year. I never thought I’d be one to visit grave-sites yet it offers comfort, as if visiting with them. The tears held in fall; always a good thing. I put skewers in plastic eggs and stuck one in the ground at each site– his Mom’s, mine, and his sisters; all three lost around the same time 6 years ago, within a few months of each other. The loss sharpens just as the earth is about to explode with beauty and re-growth.