ZONE QUEEN

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‘Zone out’ may be another word for ‘dissociation.’ I space out, but not nearly as much as I used to. I escape that way when I’m stressed, even if the stress is over my tendency towards negative thinking. The other person, whoever it is, thinks poorly of me, I said something wrong, I didn’t say something I should have and on and on…there are endless ways I can bring myself down and keep me there. 

I have learned over time that I can be here now, inhabiting my own body, feeling a cool breeze or the warm sun. When I feel overwhelmed, I find myself staring off into the distance, and like a pendulum finding home, I come back. I don’t seem to stay in the ‘now’, but I try. It can be draining. Life spins too fast. I sit still, breath, and there it is, a feeling of fullness, all of me in me. It’s a fleeting feeling, one I search for every day. 

Meditation does it, sitting by the creek, or on the patio in the sun as little birds swoop and hop nearby, unaware of my presence. Loving my cat, nestling my face in her fur while she hums, awakens my ability to love, closely guarded most of the time. Cooking, working in my studio, breathing in the scent of pine, watching my photos upload to the computer surprising me with delights I didn’t know were there, all simple things that bring me back to the present.

What brings YOU back into your body?

What do YOU love?

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8 thoughts on “ZONE QUEEN

  1. I find I need a lot of me time to zone back in. If I feel overwhelmed I will close myself in my room and regroup, where the kids cant get to me. But that does not sound so nice as your list. I am not very connected to the world, I operate in a “focused” mode…. I call it focused, but it is a mode where I am very tuned into the inputs I find important and the others are “zoned out”. Connecting with the world, appreciating the world, that is a choice, I do not choose to make much. But I will zone into my kids and hubby for “attention time” several times a day, and that often makes me feel happy, and them. I am going to try to look for other happy ways to zone in as you have described.

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  2. Like you I find that meditating keeps me in the now. I close my eyes and focus on the feelings, thoughts or whatever else is passing through me at the time. Connecting with people helps me too, just talking to someone has the same effect for me too. Your post made me realise how much I do zone out, daydream or just caught up in the past or in a self-created drama in my mind. No doubt these were all necessary coping mechanisms to survive the abuse.

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  3. Thanks for your post. I used to zone out much more than I do now. The more I wrote and talked about the trauma the more natural it felt to stay in my body. I still zone out sometimes but I’m much more aware of it and come back much more quickly.

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  4. Hmmm…I never realized staring off into space was disassociation, but that makes sense now that you wrote about it. I’ve had people tell me I’m doing it or asking me what I’m thinking, etc, and it usually is because they have said something hurtful to me or about someone else. I’ve also had friends who have mistreated me because they had parents who do this, and are almost punishing me for being a victim of trauma. Strange how they see it as something “bad” that I’m doing, or some kind of flaw in me, when it is a survival mechanism. Good to know!

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    1. Well, me neither until I began to read other sites. It’s as good a word as any to express the sense of not being ‘here’, in the moment, in the present. I did not want to touch down to ‘now’, but now I can at times, and want to. More here than there nowadays.
      Makes sense you’d ‘zone’ out when being hurt by other’s remarks. A person can only take so much pain.
      Good words, survival mechanism. Like taking a break. I still do it! A rest stop.

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