‘Zone out’ may be another word for ‘dissociation.’ I space out, but not nearly as much as I used to. I escape that way when I’m stressed, even if the stress is over my tendency towards negative thinking. The other person, whoever it is, thinks poorly of me, I said something wrong, I didn’t say something I should have and on and on…there are endless ways I can bring myself down and keep me there.
I have learned over time that I can be here now, inhabiting my own body, feeling a cool breeze or the warm sun. When I feel overwhelmed, I find myself staring off into the distance, and like a pendulum finding home, I come back. I don’t seem to stay in the ‘now’, but I try. It can be draining. Life spins too fast. I sit still, breath, and there it is, a feeling of fullness, all of me in me. It’s a fleeting feeling, one I search for every day.
Meditation does it, sitting by the creek, or on the patio in the sun as little birds swoop and hop nearby, unaware of my presence. Loving my cat, nestling my face in her fur while she hums, awakens my ability to love, closely guarded most of the time. Cooking, working in my studio, breathing in the scent of pine, watching my photos upload to the computer surprising me with delights I didn’t know were there, all simple things that bring me back to the present.
What brings YOU back into your body?
What do YOU love?