I guess the point is to try…to try to love myself, to try to understand where I’m coming from, what I’m up to, even if it’s afterwards, not before, or while I’m doing it.
Now, six days later, feeling badly about the things I said, though the other person has moved on, I can finally look at my behavior and say, “Wow! I’ll go to great lengths to push someone away.”
I’m trying something new. Rather than kick myself with blast words like, “Dummy”, one of my mother’s favorites, instead, I’m curious…about me. “It’s OK, just notice what I do. Be open, and curious.”
Because if I gently notice how I really am, with an accepting, interested nature, I can maybe do it differently next time, opting to draw in what I need, not push it away…